Just to Be Clear: Hobby Lobby Decision Is About Sex and Abortion

Mad Men's Christina Hendricks: Remind
me again why she's a star. Oh, yeah, right.

Make no mistake, we in America like our women, like Christina Hendricks, hot, very hot. There are a thousand reasons to like and admire women, but let's not pretend that having sex with them is not principal among them. I don't think I'm out on a limb here. Sex, and plenty of it, is a lifelong pursuit of men. And for the straight among us, Christina Hendricks is, let's say, a reasonable role model.

It's just the way America rolls. That's what confounds me. What's up with the Republican Party pretending that they hate sex? I get that, down in its core, its vision has been hijacked by the abortion issue. Kevin Drum thinks so.

It's pretty obvious that the Five Dicks on the Supreme Court know that the Hobby Lobby owners probably aren't completely down on all birth control (that's for Rick Santorum to writhe over). They know that it's just the ones Hobby Lobby thinks are actually a form of abortion.

But the Dick writing for the majority, Samuel Alito says that “It is not for us to say that their religious beliefs are mistaken or insubstantial.” In other words, they don't have to be right about the science to object to something. They only have to think they're against it for the Supremes to say, "Okay, as long as you think you're right, that's all that's necessary to have a deep religious conviction. You could be full of shit, for all we know. But, hey, it's all good." Dahlia Lithwick of Slate seems to think that's a recipe for judicial disaster going forward. Samuel Alito thinks he has crafted a narrow ruling. Holy shit, is he wrong.

That leaves me with only one conclusion: The Five Dicks who formed the majority on this "narrow" catastrophe have a wink-wink-nudge-nudge deal going. They know it's about abortion. It's what focuses them in the pronouncement that closely held corporations are people and religious rights mean we hate abortion. Other religious objections? Piffle.

It's also about sex because women on birth control are having too much sex because they're sluts. I was raised Catholic, and the Five Dicks are Catholic, so I'm pretty sure the nuns convinced them that women are sluts. They tried to teach me that, but a weird thing happened. I had sex, and what they were telling me suddenly made no sense at all! I can only guess how the Five Dicks reacted to the same experience, though their ruling is a dead giveaway.

Awwwh, poor lads, but don't take it out on the rest of us, especially not the ladies. Leave that to Rush Limbaugh. Nobody listens to him anymore.

I'm pretty sure these aren't the nuns that made the Five Dicks hate sex.